Wednesday, May 19, 2010

I am cocksucker.

So I realized my last post was really long and unreadable and boring and stupid. A brief recap[haha so read it AGAIN]:

I work in a group home for developmentally disabled adults. The house I work is hard because the guys who live there are notoriously verbally and physically abusive. One in particular. We'll call him...Jake. He is mildly autistic and suffers from horrible ADHD. He takes a crazy dose of Amphetamine cut with salt [in capsule form, duh] twice a day to help out with that. It really doesn't.

He's 21 and about a foot and a half shorter than me. I probably outweigh him by a good hundred pounds on top of that, but he's still convinced he can kick my ass. Yeah.

Here's an example of an average 12 hour shift:

Me: "Mornin' Jake. How's tricks?"

Jake: "Listen Dave, I had a bad dream last night. Don't start with me."

Me: "..."

Jake: [glaring, posturing] "Did you hear what I said, cocksucker?"

Me: "Yes."

Jake: "I SAID LEAVE ME ALOOOOOONE! AAAGHGGGHHH!" [stomps around, punches wall]

Me: "You want some breakfast?"

Jake: "Aw, yeah!"

Me: "You know where the kitchen is."

[If left unsupervised Jake will proceed to go into the kitchen and fry up like 6 hash brown patties, 7 eggs, and 5 slices of pastrami. All in the same pan. He won't eat half of it.]

Jake: [from kitchen] "So what are we doing today? Will you take me out to the store so I can buy some candy and toys and soda? I have moneeeeeeyyyyyy!"

Me: "You need to get your laundry started, get those dishes taken care of, and hop into the shower. Then, uh...Maybe. I don't know."

Jake: [runs out of kitchen and into living room] "If you don't agree to take me I'll kick you in the nards! Do you want that, huh?"

Me: "Maybe I do. Maybe I like being kicked in the nards."

Jake: [frowning, wheels turning] "Fuck you, you corny bitch! I fucking HAAAAAAATE you! I hope you fucking get eaten by wolves or something! GOSH DARNIT!"

So that's how I spend my weekends. Who's jealous?

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