Sunday, September 19, 2010

30 Days of Boredom

I snagged this from Coralene. Blame her.

[Day one]

[1] I love Banana slugs. I think they're beautiful little evolutionary miracles. I'd love to keep one [or ten!] as a pet, but slugs + glass terrarium = slimey disaster.

[2] At one point in my life, I was in a modern sideshow. I started out taking tickets and geeking, but eventually worked my way up to fire breathing and the gavage. I stopped doing this because when my parents found out what I was doing with my life they actually threatened to disown me. I think this is the one time they were ever ashamed of me. In retrospect I regret giving it up as my time spent in the show and on stage was one of the happiest times in my life.

[Spike is the short surly looking guy.]

[3] I'm adopted. My adoptive mom is Greek [and something else, I forget] and my dad is Swedish. My biological father, Spike [his real name is William] is a short muscular Irishman with a giant mustache and a big laugh. I got to meet him when I was in the sixth grade and we've had a great relationship ever since. I don't know my biological mother.

[4] I love old people. If you gave me a choice between hanging out with someone my own age or taking some oldster out for a bite to eat so we could just chat, oldster would win out every time. I don't love them in that "aw, so cute!" kind of way - it's definitely just a huge amount of respect and awe. The fact that anyone could make it past 70 in this world is amazing to me, and I really like hearing about it.

[5] I have airbrushed male and female genitalia. When I lived in LA I worked as a makeup artist [mostly SFX at a lab in the valley], but as computers began stealing jobs, I took a job at an adult production company. I have airbrushed [and touched, ech] countless wangs and cooters. It paid well, and I laughed a lot, but the job ruined porn for me. Seeing how it's made just left a bad taste in my mouth. And a foul smell in my nose.

[6] I can eat just about anything. Despite being sort of picky about what I like to eat, if money or any sort of bet is involved, I'll eat it. I guess this relates to my geeking experience. I've eaten live insects, tadpoles, and small fish. I've bitten the heads off of a couple of chickens, but they were humanely killed beforehand. In high school my friends and I would make money at parties by betting people that I could eat anything. I never lost a bet, and I never puked. I think the worst thing was a pig feet/cat food/head cheese burrito. With pickles.

[Me and The Coose a few years back]

[7] My old Pit Bull Coosie [RIP, Bubbers] kept me out of prison at one point. I was living in LA, short on cash, and desperate. Some friends I knew were going to run some illegal substances out of state for a pretty good chunk of change, and offered to bring me in. The only reason I declined was because I had a newly adopted dog to take care of. I thought of leaving her with a neighbor, but I swear to christ she gave me this fucking LOOK. So I didn't do it. They did, and they got caught. I think they're still in prison.

[8] I don't laugh very much, and I don't have a fake smile [if I try it looks like this weird bell palsy grimace]. So I'm straight faced a lot. As a result a lot of people assume I'm angry. I'm not. I'm just not amused, nor am I willing to fake it for your benefit.

[9] Jennifer Tilly kissed me once. I have had a total boner for her since I was like 12, and one day I saw her walking down Sunset. I said hello, and she stopped and said hi, and we got to making bullshit chit chat, which in normal circumstances I'm bad at and hate, but with Ms.Tilly I was still bad at but LOVED. Anyway, I ended up blurting out "I'VE BEEN TELLING PEOPLE YOU'RE MY GIRLFRIEND AND YOU JUST DON'T KNOW IT."
Yeah. She was really nice about it and called me cute, told me I was a little young, even for her, and gave me a nice sloppy kiss.

[10] I am a total reptile NERD. almost an amateur herpetologist [ha]. I can tell you the latin name of just about any lizard off of the top of my head, as well as its breeding habits, history, and preferred habitat. I'm pretty good with snakes, and not bad with amphibians. I'd love to keep reptiles again, but Dorian just isn't into it.

[11] Growing up I had no real concept of danger or consequences. I understood the stove was hot and I shouldn't touch it, but I was the little maniac who was jumping off of the entertainment center as soon as I could walk, and riding my skateboard off of the roof and into the pool as soon as I could ollie. I've calmed down as an adult, but I've broken my fair share of bones.

[12] I think in pictures. Seriously, my brain works like a poorly animated cartoon. This is probably why math is such a challenge for me. When someone says "2 + 2 = 4", I literally see two little 2's standing next to eachother, looking slightly confused. I understand how the concept works, but the pictures come first. I remember things the same way. When someone describes something to me, or tells me a story, if it's lacking detail or just isn't believable my mind will either fill in the gaps or completely ditch it and tune out. Sometimes beneficial, sometimes not.

[13] My 'girlfriend' in the 7th grade was arrested for teen prostitution. Looking back it makes sense because she was totally pressuring me to have sex, and I was totally like 'sorry, parents r 2 crazy k' when in reality it was 'sorry, I'm 12 and I barely have pubes and my penis is tiny, k'. Anyway, turns out she was turning tricks and involved in some sort of incest. The incest is just a rumor, though. This is interesting to me, but also really sad.

[14] I have difficulty with my emotions. Because my father figure was my grandfather, and he was a tough old greek bastard, I think I've kind of tried to unconciously emulate the 'strong silent type' of man that he was, although I pretty much fail at silence. When I do show my emotions they tend to be extreme, whether they be anger, sadness, or happiness. I have only cried four times in my adult life, and they all centered around the deaths of those I loved [my grandpops, my best friend enzo, my daughter zoe, and my dog]. My neutral state is fairly hard to read, and although I am generally content I think I come across as quite boring.

[15] I really like kids. Despite my 'intimidating' [so says my mom - she likens me to Tony Soprano] appearance, I absolutely love children, and they really like me. I have a way with them. Small things in general, I think [I hate to compare kids to animals, but hey]. When Dorian and I are out in public babies and kids alike are absolutely fascinated with me, and as soon as I make eye contact I get a gigantic smile. The other day we were eating breakfast in a little cafe and this little boy had no interest in eating, all he wanted to do was share his toys and play with me. I was happy to oblige. I think I annoyed his mom.

No comments:

Post a Comment